Three years ago, in 2022, I participated in a program at my church called CORE. CORE is intense and brings you deep into your relationship with the Lord. We’ve just begun a new semester, and it’s brought back so many memories from my own time in the program. One of the most powerful lessons CORE teaches is about forgiveness and the roots of bitterness. That was the most transformative lesson for me.
I was visiting Michigan for Seminary shortly before going to Pennsylvania for 10 weeks to continue the 16-week program in person. I remember talking with my friends about wanting to buy a dress I found on eBay—it was meant to be a joke. But somehow, I felt God promising me that purchasing that dress would bring me a deeper sense of freedom. I took a leap of faith and bought it.
A few weeks later, I found myself sitting in the prayer room, tears streaming down my face. I was writing a prayer of forgiveness. I was shaking and crying, with a friend there for support. The prayer I wrote was one I wasn’t sure I could say out loud, but my friend encouraged me to speak it. I said, "I forgive the dress. I forgive those who made it. I forgive the candle. I forgive it all. But most importantly, I forgive myself. I forgive myself for taking so much blame and allowing myself to be constantly hurt for years."
That last part was the most powerful. I had lived with a false narrative in my mind—that I was the one who caused the pain. I specifically believed that it was all my fault. But holding that dress for the first time in 20 years helped me realize that it wasn’t my fault. I had allowed myself to be in pain and take the blame for something I didn’t deserve. And all of that weight lifted in seconds when I finally forgave—with God’s help.
Forgiveness is a choice. It's a choice to step out of the prison of your own mind. It’s a decision to say, “I want to be free from this.” Forgiveness is a shift in mindset—a declaration that you will no longer drink the poison of bitterness and let it destroy your soul. The Bible tells us:
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15)
You may not always get the closure you hope for. What I didn’t share earlier is that the friend who was with me during that prayer is no longer in my life. We drifted apart, and our friendship ended. But I forgave him, too. The closure didn’t come the way I imagined, but I chose forgiveness anyway. That decision lifted the heavy burden from my heart. The dress couldn’t speak for itself, nor would the company that made it ever apologize. But through forgiveness, I felt the years of shame, guilt, anxiety, and pain leave in an instant.
Jesus came to end our suffering and to forgive our sins. But we must choose to accept that forgiveness, just as He chose to offer it. Forgiveness wouldn’t have been as powerful or lasting if it hadn’t been a choice. And it’s the same for us—we must continually choose forgiveness.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
We must choose forgiveness over and over again. It needs to become so deeply ingrained in our lives that it becomes part of our everyday language. Unforgiveness will lead to bitter roots. Unforgiveness will bring deep pain that’s hard to heal. It will hurt so badly that if you don’t make the choice to forgive, you might never be able to turn back.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."(Ephesians 4:31-32)
So, what do you need to forgive today? What is weighing you down and keeping you trapped in bitterness? Let it go today. You won’t regret making that choice.
