This has been one of the best years of my life.
I can’t say it’s been easy. In fact, it’s been the complete opposite. It has been so hard—beyond hard at times. There were times I wanted to just give up, felt the weight of the world and wanted to crumple. There were financial burdens that made it difficult to make ends meet, and ones that still continue. I never intended to lose nearly $40,000 out of nowhere or to find myself fighting my way out of more debt because of other peoples actions, reconciling numbers, a word from God and faith at the same time. My car was stolen, and with it went a sense of safety and security I didn’t realize I relied on so deeply. Many sleepless nights followed with fear of what was to come or what was happening. There were illnesses that took me out for weeks, grief that sat heavy on my chest, and questions left unanswered no matter how many times I prayed them aloud. It was rough. Depression tried to sneak back into my life like a lion on its prey. Anxiety kept my heart racing at times for hours, unable to control and causing many struggles. PTSD tried to come in and cause me to give up pursuits of dreams out of pure fear. It was extremely difficult with battles being faced often times alone or in secret. None of that was part of the plan.
And yet—this was still the best year of my life.
I entered this year with intention. An intention to say yes. To make the most of every opportunity God placed in front of me—whether that meant leading a group, praying for people, helping friends carry heavy things, or stepping into roles that stretched me far beyond my comfort zone. I didn’t know what the year would hold, but I knew I wanted it to matter. I wanted my life, in both the seen and unseen moments, to be used for a purpose greater than myself. I wanted to impact lives and make a difference in people.
Scripture tells us, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). Still, it is easy to get caught up in the darkness—of the world, of our circumstances, of our own minds. Some seasons are not easily moved through. Some pain is impossible to simply “move on” from. Silent and secret tears have been shed this year. Pain that longed to be felt returned to my heart and mind often. Questions whispered by the enemy crept in—What did I do wrong? Why is this happening to me? But my God met me there. He met me in the questions, in the exhaustion, in the moments when all I could pray was help.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He did not rush me past the pain. He held me in it. He honored the struggle. And God also brought beauty.
There were camps that filled my soul and reminded me of what I was created for. One in particular—a camp I had been praying for and longing to attend since I was a child—brought my entire journey full circle. World Burn Congress awakened dreams I had forgotten and reminded me where I feel most at home. I was entrusted to serve as the admin of a discipleship program, growing me deeper into the heart of the Church. I began classes to become a Fire Chaplain and Pastoral Counselor—callings that feel both humbling and holy. There were adventures with good friends I never imagined I’d experience. Car tours in antique cars that chilled me to the bone but somehow warmed my heart. Swing dance events that opened my world and made me feel alive. The gift of a phonograph that made my apartment feel like home in a way I didn’t know I was missing. Youth group retreats and events that gave way to pour into the next generation. Worship events and concerts where I could worship as I felt called and pour into the Lord. Sights and sounds and events that I cant even begin to explain how much they impacted my life.
And something else happened this year—I opened the door to vulnerability. I shared parts of my story that once felt too tender to name. This blog has gone on to bless more people than I ever expected. God used my honesty to meet others in their own quiet places of pain and healing.
I don’t have enough room to capture everything this year held, but these moments stand as markers—proof that nothing was wasted. Not the loss. Not the waiting. Not the fear. Every yes, every step forward, every moment of obedience—God used it all.
The struggles are not finished. I am still battling some of them. But I believe, with everything in me, that the Lord is faithful. “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6).
And as I look ahead to the coming year, I see His hand already moving. There are big plans unfolding—new opportunities to speak, to share my story, and to grow stronger in my walk. I have been offered opportunities to step into motivational speaking, and that both humbles and excites me. It feels like a continuation of the work God has already begun. My life is fuller, deeper, and more beautiful than I ever could have planned on my own. It was never about my plans.
It has always been about His purpose. So here is to this past year. The hardships, the struggles, the ache. Heres to the transformation of my heart and mind. Heres to the King. To the Restoration.
