Thanksgiving: A Journey Toward Healing

Thanksgiving had always been a holiday I loved—but also feared. Why did I fear it? As someone with an eating disorder and weight struggles, it stirred up so many negative thoughts. I would stuff myself until I felt sick, only to go back for more. I justified it with excuses like, “It’s only Thanksgiving once a year,” or, “Grandma made this, so I have to have some.” It was a toxic cycle—my relationship with food was unhealthy, and it controlled me. Everything was my enemy because I felt I had no control over it.

But this year was different. This year, I walked into Thanksgiving with a whole new attitude. For the first time, I felt confident that I could make choices that honored the body God blessed me with. I felt comfortable eating until I was content—not miserable. Food no longer held the power it once did over me, and for that, I praised God. I felt the power to be able to have a bite or two of the foods I once had a plate of without feeling like I missed out. One of the biggest victories was not having to know exactly where the restroom was incase (oh who am I kidding, when) it was needed after eating. Instead, I was able to sit around the table and laugh with my friends without any judgement from them or toward myself. I even snapped a bathroom selfie the day before—something I rarely did because I never felt good enough about myself. But that day, I felt strong and proud, confident that the next day was going to be a day of victory. My heart knew that there was breakthrough coming, victory was on the horizon!

The day after the holiday was always the worst—worse than the holiday itself. Why? That’s when all my choices came back to haunt me. In the past, I would have dreaded stepping on the scale. I would have done anything to avoid being seen with a bloated stomach and the weight gain from indulging in extra treats. But this time, the narrative was different. The scale became my friend. No, the number didn’t go down. In fact, I gained 0.6 pounds that day. Yet, it still felt like an ally. It reminded me that I am in control. It showed me that there’s no harm in enjoying all life has to offer, as long as I make thoughtful choices. It also proved that I had made good decisions—ones I could be proud of! The journey toward healing and health continues, but this time, I’m walking not in defeat but in victory.

My heart goes out to anyone who struggles with eating disorders or body image issues. I see you. I understand you. To the girls who cry every time they pass a mirror like I did for so many years, to the boys who hide their pain because it feels taboo for men to admit they struggle, and to everyone who prepares to fast to “offset” calories or felt the urge to purge after the meal—you are seen. My hope is that you to can sit at the table without guilt, enjoying the abundance before you with a heart of gratitude.

You are so much more than the number on a scale or the way your clothes fit. You are loved by the Creator of the universe, valued as His masterpiece, and accepted just as you are. You are intrinsically valued no matter what. Do not give into that voice that tells you anything different. That voice is a liar. I tell you the truth: you are fearfully and wonderfully made, valued and loved, unique in all ways, and more than what that scale will ever tell you. Stand strong on these truths and remind yourself that there is no shame in needing help or support in life, especially in this battle.

Food doesn’t have to control you anymore. This year, I declared victory in Jesus’ name. I said it loud and clear: Devil, get back—because God’s getting the praise today!