Still Choosing to Trust in the Pain

Does this season suck?

Yes, it does.

Have tears been shed?

Absolutely.

Am I scared, angry, anxious?

More than I want to admit.

Have there been sleepless nights?

Of course.

Do I know how it’s all going to work out?

No, I don’t.

Do I know how I’m going to make it through?

Honestly, no.

Right now, I’m hurting. I feel violated, victimized, and overwhelmed.

I’m praying—for healing, for peace, for restoration, for return—but I haven’t seen the answers yet.

My heart aches, and everything feels uncertain.

How will the bills be paid?

How will what was lost be found?

How will any of this work out?

It’s all so much—and it’s more than I know how to handle.

For context, my car was stolen this week. A freak thing I never thought I would experience. Just taken from my driveway, another left in its place. Its a wild thing for sure. All my stuff from camp was in the car, including a stuffed monkey from my childhood that means a lot to me as it is part of my survivor journey. So there is a lot going on.

At church, my Host Momma reminded me something simple yet profound:

**"It’s okay to feel things. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay not to be okay right now."**

That gave me permission I didn’t even know I needed.

Permission to feel it all.

To be angry about how others acted—and how deeply it hurt.

To be upset with myself for the things I forgot, or the things I didn’t do quite right.

To look ahead at an uncertain future with trembling hands and a heavy heart.

To stop pretending I’m fine when I’m not.

*“There is a time for everything… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”*

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

But even in the pain, I choose to worship.

Even in the questions, I choose to trust.

I believe God is still faithful.

I believe He can restore what the enemy tried to steal.

I believe He can take this mess and bring something beautiful out of it.

*“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”*

Romans 8:28

A friend told me, “This will make a great chapter in your book someday.”

Maybe it will. My life has been full of chapters I never asked for—some marked by heartbreak, others by growth I didn’t know I needed.

Sometimes, I just want to rest.

I want a break from the battle.

But every single time, through every storm, God has never abandoned me.

And I trust He never will.

*“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”*

Psalm 23:4

So here I am—

In the middle of the mess.

With my heart wide open.

Still choosing to believe that my tears, my screams, my questions, and my prayers…

**Will not be wasted.**

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Psalm 126:5

God is still writing this story.

I believe He will redeem every page.

I believe He will return all that was stolen—and then some.

I believe He will be faithful once again.

And I’m thankful—so deeply thankful—for the friends who’ve shown up.

Those who check in. Who text. Who pray. Who offer help, even when I don’t know what to ask for.

Be those kind of people.

The kind who make sure others know they are loved, seen, and not alone.

Because it matters. Especially in seasons like this.