Check in On Your People

You know those pillows that say, "Call Your Mom"? I always laugh at those because honestly, sometimes I need more reminders than just a pillow to remember everything I should do and the people I should check in on. One that says "Drink your water", another saying "Answer that text you have been putting off", maybe another that says "change the laundry", and maybe one that says "Check on your people because thinking about them and actually texting them are two different things."

But this morning, I found myself thinking about that last one a little more seriously. I felt the word Connection play over and over in my mind.

Not in the way we often think about connection. Not necessarily finding more people, building a bigger circle, making new friends, or searching for the next person to walk alongside us. Instead, I felt my attention more on the people who are already in my life. The people who are already in my fold. The ones I already know, love, are about, and perhaps haven't taken the time to truly check on lately.

I started texting some friends. Just to check in. No big reason, no favor to ask, no particular conversation I needed to have. I just wanted to see how they were doing and let them know they had crossed my mind. A simple, "Hey, just checking in. How are you?" to a few people I have not talked to for a while. Not everyone can get that text, my apologies if you were not one of them.

And this got m thinking...

I have learned over time that you can discover a lot about a relationship or friendship when you stop being the first one to reach out. It's interesting how quickly conversations can fade when you aren't the one initiating them. How easily weeks can turn into months, and months into years, when both people are waiting for the other to make the first move. And perhaps it is part of a toxic trait birthed out of trauma from past situations, but I have began to stop being the first to reach out because of this.

I've experienced what it feels like to wonder if people would notice your absence if you stopped showing up. To question whether a friendship is still there if you aren't the one keeping the conversation alive. To wonder if people think about you the way you think about them. To think that you have to be the glue or things will not work out.

And I know I'm not the only one.

Sometimes, we mean to reach out to someone but get caught up in the busyness of life. We think about sending that text, tell ourselves we'll do it later, and then suddenly it's been weeks. Sometimes months. This is not to condemn anyone for not reaching out to people, I understand busy life schedules and changing seasons of life. This is simply where my mind took me this morning.

Sometimes, we're sitting on the other side of that same situation, wondering why nobody has thought to check on us. But here's the thing I've been wrestling with this morning: What if we're so busy looking for new connections that we're neglecting the ones God has already entrusted to us? What if we are letting our pride, our independence, our desire to not be a burden or annoying, get in the way of building the connections the Lord has asked us to form and grow?

What if the person we keep meaning to text is sitting in a season where they desperately need someone to remember them? Trust me, someone is out there and I have been that person. What if the friend who always seems strong is quietly exhausted from being strong for everyone else? What if the person who usually checks on everybody else is waiting for someone to ask them how THEY are doing for the first time?

We live in a world where we can have hundreds of friends on social media, keep up on everyone's major life updates, and know what someone ate that day without actually knowing how their heart is doing. We can watch someone's story without asking them about their story.

We live in a world of chronic loneliness in the most connected we have ever been. People even 20 years ago did not have the access we have today. Imagine when your only communication was through letters, man I honestly love getting those still! But the world is full of "half community" and increased levels of loneliness among all ages because of the technologies robing true connection . Do not get me wrong, for some their virtual community saves them over and over, whether in a support group or with people they do not see often or family far away. But there is still something that feels different in my heart.

We can see someone show up to church, serve on a team, lead a ministry, go to work, raise their kids, or keep smiling through life and assume they're doing just fine. They are going on vacation, traveling for work, volunteering, giving their best in their respective places, and doing all the things that would make us think they are living the best life ever. But showing up isn't the same as being okay. Smiling isn't the same as having peace. Participating is not the same as living. And being surrounded by people doesn't necessarily mean someone feels connected.

Sometimes, people don't need another new friendship. They need the people who already know their name to remember to say it. They need someone to reach out without needing something in return. Someone who doesn't just contact them when there's a task to complete, a favor to ask, a ministry to organize, or a problem to solve. Someone who reaches out simply because they care and they want to be connected deeper.

And I think there's something deeply beautiful about that kind of connection.

It's intentional. It's ordinary. It's easy to overlook. But it is one of the ways we can love people well.

Scripture reminds us in Galatians 6:2 to carry one another's burdens. Sometimes, we imagine that means showing up for the enormous, life-altering moments. And sometimes, it absolutely does. But I wonder how many burdens we could help carry if we were simply more attentive to the people around us in the ordinary moments, too.

Sometimes, carrying a burden looks like sitting beside someone in their grief.

Sometimes, it looks like bringing a meal, offering a prayer, or staying when things get uncomfortable. And sometimes, it looks like sending a text that says, “Hey, you've been on my mind. How are you really doing?”

We may never know what that message means to someone on the other side of the screen. We may never know if they had been feeling forgotten, if they were having a difficult day, or if they simply needed a reminder that they mattered to someone. We don't have to know. We just have to be willing to reach out.

Now, I also want to acknowledge something important. If you're always the one initiating the conversation, always making the plans, always remembering the birthdays, always checking in, and always finding ways to keep a friendship alive, that can get exhausting. There is a real ache in wanting to be thought of without having to remind people that you exist.

You can understand that people are busy and still wish they would make time for you. You can give people grace and still desire mutual effort. You can love someone deeply and still recognize that a relationship feels different when you're the only one reaching across the distance. Both things can be true.

But I don't want the disappointment of one-sided relationships to harden my heart toward the people around me. I don't want to become so afraid of being the one who reaches out first that I stop reaching out altogether. I don't want to withhold a little kindness because I know what it feels like when kindness isn't returned. And I don't want to become so focused on who hasn't checked on me that I miss the opportunity to check on someone else.

Because at the end of the day, I want to be intentional about loving people well. Not because everyone will reciprocate. Not because every friendship will last forever. Not because I will always get the same energy back. But because love is worth practicing, even in the ordinary moments when nobody is watching.

So, here's your reminder today:

Check in on your people.

Text the friend you haven't talked to in a while. Call the person who always seems to be taking care of everyone else. Ask the person who says they're fine if they have the space to tell you how they're really doing. Reach out to the person who crossed your mind this morning instead of assuming you'll do it later.

Don't wait for a crisis to remind someone that they matter. Don't assume that because someone hasn't reached out, they don't want to hear from you.

And don't underestimate the power of being remembered.

I remember one time when I was really struggling, someone's simple message to check in reminded my brain that I was not completely alone. It was the turning point of that moment for me. It has happened more times than I can count, so never underestimate how much power it has.

You don't need the perfect words. You don't need a long conversation. You don't need to fix anything. Sometimes, you just need to be willing to open the door. Even if it feels awkward, even if you feel weird sending the text or doubt yourself in the process. Send it anyway.

And if you're the person who is always checking on others, I hope you'll hear this, too: You matter in those relationships just as much as the people you're checking on. You deserve to be asked how you're doing. You deserve friendships where someone thinks of you, reaches for you, and makes an effort to know what's happening in your world. Let people love you, too.

This morning, I thought I was simply going to spend some time in prayer. Instead, the Lord reminded me to look around at the people He has already placed in my life.

Maybe connection doesn't always mean adding another person to our circle.

Maybe sometimes it means paying closer attention to the circle we already have.

Maybe it's less about asking, “Who else can I connect with?” and more about asking, “Who have I been meaning to check on? Who have I stopped reaching for? Who might need to know they're not forgotten?”

We don't have to wait for someone else to make the first move.

We can be the ones who send the text. We can be the ones who make the call. We can be the ones who remind people that they are seen, known, and loved.

So, who has God placed on your heart today?

Maybe this is your reminder to reach out.

Check in on your people. And every once in a while, let your people check in on you, too. ❤️