Become That Person

I was sitting at a Friendsgiving on Wednesday night when I casually said, “I’ve only lived here for three years.”Everyone at the table froze and said, “Wait—what? Only three years??”

Their reaction caught me off guard. Not because three years is nothing, but because it has felt so short. Yet somehow, in that short span, I’ve become a part of their world in a way that feels… permanent. Natural. Familiar.

And as I sat there, something in me whispered:

I’ve never felt this before.

Most of my life, I have been the outsider. Or at least felt like one. Not in a dramatic way—just in the quiet, painful way of always feeling like you’re watching everyone else live while you stand behind the glass. I was the one on the edges. The one who couldn’t quite break through. The one who was physically present but emotionally outside the circle. It always felt like there was an invisible wall between me and everyone else.

People didn’t notice when I was gone. People didn’t ask where I went. People didn’t pursue me. I was just existing. For so long, I truly believed I was created to be outside of community—like belonging was reserved for everyone but me.

So when people at that table reacted like I had always been there…When friends at the burn survivor event welcomed me like I never left…When Jerry and Megan and Jen and everyone else looked at me with genuine love and wanted me there… It wasn’t just surprising, it was healing. They made me feel wanted and loved beyond what I have ever experienced. Listen, these are the friends that told me if I was about to miss this event for burn survivors, they would have shown up and drug me there because I need to be there! It was a "You are needed here" moment!

It was God rewriting a story I thought was already set in stone.

The God Who Sees the Outsider

Scripture is full of people who felt exactly like that—on the margins, unseen, overlooked.

Hagar, alone in the wilderness, believed she was forgotten—until God met her and she cried out, “You are the God who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13) David wrote songs about feeling isolated and abandoned, yet proclaimed that God knew him deeply—“You hem me in, behind and before.” (Psalm 139) Jesus constantly went to the outsiders: the woman at the well, the man isolated by leprosy, the tax collector no one wanted at their table. God has always been the God who pulls people from the outside and says, “You belong in My story.”

He places us, not randomly, but intentionally (1 Corinthians 12).Which means the feeling of belonging I’m finally experiencing…was never coincidence, it was God’s timing.

Seen. Known. Wanted.

When I reunited with friends I hadn’t seen in two years—friends I’ve known since I was 16—it hit me: This is the difference between being known and being wanted.

Being known is having people who recognize your face. Being wanted is having people who notice your absence.

When Jerry and Megan asked where I went after only ten minutes, something in my heart broke and healed at the same time. Because I wasn’t used to that. For once, I wasn’t living outside the window looking in. I was at the table. I was part of the room. I was someone worth looking for.

And I realized…This is what God intends community to feel like. Not perfect, but real. Not loud, but present. Not surface-level, but life-giving.

When Darkness Whispers

Let me be even more real.

These reminders—the texts, the hugs, the “Where’d you go?”—they are what anchor me when the enemy tries to pull me back into old thoughts. Those lies of isolation. The whispers that say I’m unnecessary, unseen, replaceable.

It's been a long time since I’ve struggled deeply with those thoughts. But when they show up—even faintly—I cling to the truth:

There are people who would miss me for a day…and for a lifetime.

The enemy says I don’t matter. God says He wrote my name on His hands (Isaiah 49:16).

The enemy says my absence is unnoticed. God says every part of the Body matters (1 Corinthians 12:18-27). Those truths keep me here. Those truths keep me fighting.

Find Your People — Not Just Any People

And here is my encouragement for you:

Pay attention to the people who look for you. Because there always is someone!

If you're always the one starting the conversation… what happens if you stop? If everything goes silent, maybe you've been carrying something God never asked you to carry. I have been there, I have struggled to stop but there is a freedom that comes when you do!

If you feel like your presence is a burden—like you're too much—those are not your people. Jesus said we would know people by their fruit. The right people produce warmth, pursuit, welcome, presence.

At a burn survivor conference, my friend Ryan said something unforgettable that impacted my thinking of myself in this moment of life: “If they aren’t seeking you the way you seek them, stop fighting for them. They aren’t worth that fight. If they don't want you like you want them, then why do you even want them?”

That isn't cruelty—it's clarity.

Even Jesus didn’t fight to be accepted by every crowd. He gravitated to the ones willing to receive Him.

The Simple Truth

You are seen! You are wanted! You are needed!

If you don’t feel that way, your mind is lying to you. Because I want you here, I see you. And if you don’t feel that way around the people you’re with, you might not be with the people God has placed you for. They are not the people for you. Find the ones who make three years feel like a lifetime. Find the ones who notice when your chair is empty. Find the ones who remind you that you matter simply by loving you well.

And then—

Become that person for someone else. The one who pulls outsiders in. The one who notices the quiet one. The one who reflects the heart of the God who sees.

Because the world is full of people living life from the outside looking in.

And God may be calling you to open the door.8